This ain’t a Thirst Trap

So when I first started this blog my first post was on making my Instagram account public. I use my IG for a lot of things, sharing about Grizzlies' events, advocating Downtown Fresno, advertising my friends' podcast (Say Bruh Podcast), and sharing about this blog. I knew when making that decision I would be opening the door for people whom I don't know in person to follow me and see me on almost a daily basis. I'm sure reading that, some of you are thinking "that how stalkers find you!" or something along those lines. Trust me that thought crossed my mind along with unwanted DM sliding, but I see more pros than cons as long as I am smart about my posting.

As much as I use my IG to advertise events and other people, it's still my personal account, which means every now and then I'll post a selfie or photo of myself. I don't post many selfies because like most women I am very critical of how I look in photos and take about 15 photos until I am content with atleast one.

When I post these selfies or photos of myself, my intention is never to attract attention. So when I get a certain dumb compliments afterwards, I can't help but roll my eye. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't appreciate someone sending me a quick compliment, but at the same time getting a "where was my invite?" DM from someone you don't regularly hang out with is a little irritating and here why:

I know I look good! I didn't post this selfie to grace you with my looks, I posted this selfie because I was feeling myself!

Now I know I'm not the only one who feels this way because I've had this conversation many of times with my female friends. We laugh, because when it does happen to us, whether it's over social media or in person, it feels as if some of the men are doing us a favor by telling us how beautiful we look. But it is upsetting to us when we try to be polite and say thank you, but that's not enough. That's when we know the compliment is genuine. To men, this is not us hating on you but a lesson:

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

Do I Look Thirsty in This Post?

I use to be so critical of what pictures I posted, because I never wanted to come off as "thirsty". I would take down post after staring at them for too long and telling myself "this is a THIRST TRAP photo". It wasn't until I finally convinced myself that I don't have control of how others see my posts and I shouldn't care if they think it's a thirst trap.

Trust me, if you are a guy I am clearly interested you'd be getting those "thirsty" photos privately.

To those potential men if you ever read this, just know those photos will still include my clothes being on. #Trustnoone

Stop Getting Mad At Confident People

If you are ever so lucky to date or even marry a confident human being, do not dim their light by criticizing them when they post great photos of themselves. I've seen this with my friends and I've been in that kind of relationship myself. Jealously is an ugly look even on the most beautiful people.

I've been with guys who would get upset when other men would like or comment on a photo of mine. There was a time it was so much of a problem that I stop posting photos that didn't include him. While deleting all those photos after our break up I realized quickly not only how empty my IG looked, but I should never reserve myself because of someone else's lack of self confidence.

When it comes to dating someone attractive you have to know going in that there are going to be other eyes looking. For myself, when I know there are other women out there drooling over my man, I can't help but smile. As shallow as it may sound,

I like having something others want.

So when it comes to seeing likes or comments from other women on my significant other's profile, I don't get mad because I know we have no control over what people are going to say. I am a firm believe if the intentions are clear when you post selfies or add new friends and if the trust is strong in the relationship there's no need to make that person hide themselves. And if it makes you insecure to have others find your significant other attractive, don't put that pressure on them. That's on you boo boo.

Confidence is hard to not only find in others, but in yourself. So do what ever makes you feel good about yourself. Takes selfies by the pool or with a great sunset. Wear that outfit that makes you feel like a boss.

Allow yourself to look and feel good, as you should encourage others to do the same.