It's Not Your Fault

I’m going to be straight, this isn’t as silly as my last few post. Actually this topic is a lot more serious, but one that I know needs to be heard. 

Have you every felt the want to immediately be invisible, because someone looks at you like a "snack"? Or someone gives you a “compliment” that’s completely inappropriate, but you’re suppose to be flattered?

I've had conversations with both men and women about these experiences. However, in this post I am only going to mention my own stories, because it's not my place to share theirs. Now as a female who's worked in a male dominated career for a few years, I can say I’ve became a little numb to the unwanted looks and comments, but to be honest... sometimes it gets to me and I start questioning myself. 

Is what I’m wearing too promiscuous?

After getting a “compliment” by a spectator at work (which I wasn’t too flattered by), I explained to my mom “maybe I should just wear khakis and my polo, then maybe people won't say anything." What's crazy is that I was wearing the outfit to the right with 2 inch heels that night. Nothing too fancy, but most days I prefer to wear a nice blouse with dress pants or a skirt because I am working with clients who dress up. Of course, she gave me great motherly advise.

"What you're wearing should not justify their actions."

She's right and I knew that was the answer. However, even after hearing that I still replay that experience in my hear and think what I could've done differently. This brings me to my second point:

Don't apologize for other's actions.

On a night out with friends, I was walking through a bar with a "gentleman friend" of mine. These other two men happened to look me up and down, which my "gentleman friend" just happened to catch. After we got to our table, he asked me “Do you get looks from guys often?” From his tone I could tell he wasn’t particularly happy. Of course I answered honestly with “yes, sometimes”, which lead him to ask more questions.

While explaining to him, I felt this urge to apologize because he was upset by this. But I didn’t, because I use to be in a relationship with someone who would blame me for the gawking and hooting, when clearly

It wasn't my fault.

I remember believing that it was my fault, but over time I finally came to realize I shouldn't be sorry for other people's actions that I have no control over.

And that's just it. It doesn't matter that someone is just "being friendly" and you're "over reacting" (because you're not). It doesn't matter that you didn't say stop until the millionth inappropriate comment. It doesn't matter whether you're a girl or even a guy, and yes this happens to men as well. And it for sure doesn't matter how you dress, how you walk, or how you talk.

You do not need to justify other people's actions, because it's not your fault.