Don't Change for Someone, but Evolve

Change and evolve seem to mean the same thing, right? But when you look up the definition of evolve, the word CHANGE is no where to be found. In actuality you'll see " develop gradually" or "progress".

A couple month ago I came across this post and immediately started writing how I changed so much after my break up because I disliked the person I was while in that relationship. However, after reading my first draft I couldn't post it. I was writing from a place of resent and anger, but that's not how these words need to be seen. So since April 1st I've been waiting for my mind and heart to be in the right place to give some honest and hopefully helpful advise.

Crazy to think it's taken me a year after my toughest heartbreak to find the silver lining in that relationship ending. Not to say I didn't understand why it came to an end, trust me I knew EXACTLY why it NEEDED to end. However, in this last year I have seen so much growth in myself and I am so happy with the person I am still becoming and I have my ex to partially thank. Now here's why I say thank.

After reflecting on those 6 years, I have finally admitted to myself that I became a different person than when I first went in. To make a relationship work, we all make sacrifices of ourselves whether that's our personality, our habits, wants, and needs. Most of us, probably wouldn't want to admit that because that's admitting to being submissive. And if you are a strong independent woman or man, how could you let someone tell you who to be, but we've all changed ourselves to make our significant other happy. However, are you changing or evolving?

I had a conversation with a friend recently and they said to me "I don't think you should change because of a relationship, because that person should already like you for who you are." and I couldn't agree more. Why would we want to be with someone with the intention to mold them into someone else. Now before you say "well what if it's for the better?" like I asked my friend, I want to tell you I also agree with that too.

In my opinion, I see change as the result of criticism. Something isn't good or good enough... I wasn't good enough...

Evolving in a relationship is the result of support and positive influence. You know that saying, "surround yourself with good people", because their good characteristics become your own. When you find that GOOD PERSON to be your partner, you both grow together.

Now it would be wrong of me to say I didn't evolve in my last relationship, because I did. However, I changed myself a lot too. Changing yourself because of a relationship is almost inevitable, because no one likes conflict and we want to make others happy, but evolving should outweigh change.

So after that relationship ended I felt like I was Silly Putty. I was stretched, folded, and shaped to fit this mold, but when let go I fell into my own shape and form.

I hope after this time I've had to just be me and evolve on my own, that I continue to evolve in my next relationship whenever that may happen and I look forward to the growth I get to share with another person.